I’ve learned that if a conversation needs to be scheduled, it’s usually because something is wrong. As a result, I always avoid doing so. If I am forced into one, I plan every single answer, anticipating possible questions and reactions. I need to be sure everything is under control, so, naturally, I always plan for the worst-case scenario.
I usually exercise at home. I don’t like gyms, and while outdoors is my ideal place to train, it’s impossible during the winter. I had started a new pilates routine at home in the mornings and evenings. I thought everything was fine; it was the end of January, and I had been doing it for three months.
But that morning, I heard my housemate slam the door and shout, “Jesus Christ!” I was paralysed. Had I done something wrong? Was it my fault? I asked if she was okay, but she hid in her bedroom.
I spent the whole day worrying. I didn’t know what had happened, but I assumed responsibility, even though there was no evidence. I felt I needed to confirm my “guilt,” so I made a plan: when to ask, how to approach her, and what questions to pose.
I was scared and exhausted from overthinking. I knew I needed to have the conversation for my own wellbeing, but it felt entirely unnecessary and unfair to assume guilt for something I knew nothing about.